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Monday, June 13, 2011

32 weeks 3 days..

I can't remember the last time I updated on my pregnancy. I think it was somewhere around 20ish weeks. So it most definitely has been a while.

Things are going great with Frederick. So far he is growing on time. And he is an active little one. I love every second of it. I am literally amazed at watching him move. Especially since I can see it all from out here. He most definitely has taken over my insides. Every part of my body aches from time to time. And I still have a little while to go. So it'll be interesting. But it most definitely is worth it.

The whole becoming a mother for the first time is starting to sink in. I mean I was around babies all the time while I was home. I thought I knew all I needed to know. But i'm afraid it doesn't work that way. Because this time I have to pop this baby out of my own cooch. Ha. The thought of that bring so many other scary thoughts. And here we go googling everything and anything we need to know about Labor. And Contractions vs. Braxton Hick Contractions. C-Sections vs. Vaginal. Epidural vs. Natural. Breastfeeding vs. Bottle. Yes I googled breastfeeding. I know nothing about it. And this will be the first time my mommy pillows are gonna be used for anything other than four play. The risks and advantages of Inductions. And after hours and hours of squinting at my phone screeen. Yes I spend most of my google time on my phone when we are in bed and I can't seem to fall asleep. After hours of research. I feel like I still don't know enough. Maybe that is the OCD in me. But I feel like I have to know EVERYTHING to be completely prepared for what is about to happen. If my husband knew the worry that came with all these thoughts. He'd tell me to relax everything will be fine. But that is so easy to say when your not the one about to be in the hospital bed pushing something the size of a watermelon out of itty bitty hole. Or if that doesn't work out. Being the one that has to get sliced open. Either way. The whole thought process to all this. Isn't fun. It's just not very relaxing when it's you.

A couple months ago I went home for a baby shower. My first. And it was an interesting vacation. I love how going home is 'supposed' to be a vacation. It was a vacation from hell. Two words that describe everything that went wrong. Greed, Family! Let's just say I left with way less people in my life than I originally arrived with. But in the end it's for the better. My son doesn't need to grow up with those kind of people in his life.
The baby shower. Was packed. And hot. I had a good kind of stressful day. I got tons of gifts. Enough to cost my $80 to ship it all back home to Hawaii. Ha.
My nephew. Oh my goodness. Is getting so big. He is the cutest thing ever too. I feel bad. He spent 3 weeks getting used to having me there. And then I had to leave again. Sometimes being in the Navy has that disadvantage. You really don't get to see other family members kids grow up. And the same for yours. People who would've been strangers had you not been in the Navy get to become the aunts and uncles. They become the family you are missing. At the time he was 14 months old. He was walking and mumbling and doing so many cute baby things. It was the best feeling being around him again. The night I was packing to leave. He was just learning how to blow kisses. His version of kisses was the fishy face with the kiss sound. Ha. It was adorable. My brother and I didn't fight. It seems losing our father has made us that much closer. Which is good because he really is just about all the family I have left.

I came home after mothers day. And got in my nesting phase right away. My husband is just very messy. So I had. No I HAVE a lot I still have to do. And clean. Smelling the cleaning products is my total motivation. Some people get weird cravings and habits while pregnant. Mines is smelling cleaning products. I will literally clean the whole kitchen just to smell the spray I spray on the counter. And I will mop just to smell the pine sol. I guess it's better than me eating chalk or lint or something crazy like that.

The beginning of this month I had my second baby shower. It was only a few wives and myself at Macaroni grill. But it is still a day I will always remember. My friends are amazing for throwing it for me. I got so many cute gifts. And I am happy to announce, even though it was a monkey theme. I only got a couple things twice. But he is gonna use them. Because you can never have too many baby clothes or blankets.

Today is my first non stress test appointment. I have no clue what i'm supposed to do. Something about monitoring the babys movement. They never really gave me a full description on what is supposed to happen. I just know that I have to do it because I am now 'high risk'.
From what I know. They are still inducing me at 39 weeks. So only 6 weeks and 4 days to go until the big day. But as soon as full term comes. I'm going to do everything I can to get this child out. I want my body back. So a little over 4 weeks to go. I'm just hoping that works out.

We are moving home in the beginning of September. I am hoping if I have the baby right after we hit full term. Well we can go sometime late August. The beginning of August we have to ship our stuff home. And right before we go home we have to ship our car home. Thankfully Steven will already be on terminal leave. So we can do all this together. And I won't have to stress out with a newborn and getting all of that done on my own.

So that is it. That is life. My life in a nutshell at least. I'm sure i'll update again sometime before the baby gets here. Until then I hope all is well in your world out there. And have a great week.

<3

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

It's been a while since i've updated.. 22 weeks 5 days

The past month has been, nothing short of uneventful. On the 23rd of March I turned 24. Who would've thought engaged by 22, married by 23, gonna be a momma by 24. Where does the time go?

The last big thing I talked about was my quad screen results. And here is a big update from that. The ultrasound came back good. They said my little boy looks good and healthy. Nothing wrong with his brain or his spine. The high risk doctor came to see me afterwards. And said he's never missed a defect, and he isn't going to start with my baby. So i'm really going to hold him to that. But they asked me a few questions, if I bled at all in my early pregnancy? No, other than cramping horribly. Things have been great. If i've ever had complications before? Um, no. Hello?! First pregnancy! So since I didn't bleed before. They can't seem to understand why my score came out high. So for that, i'm still considered high risk. And after 32 weeks they are going to do a stress test thing. I'll get more ultrasounds just to make sure Frederick is growing right on time. And make sure that he is growing. They said the only conclusion they think they can go with is that something is wrong with my placenta. And if that is the case they will know because in the third trimester. Is when i'll have complications. It was very annoying. I was 18 weeks at the time. How are you really going to make me wait 14 weeks to tell me how he is doing. Of course I get regular ultrasounds every month. Actually it's going on a month and half until my next one. But I won't actually be talking to the doctor until after 32 weeks. I wanna be able to talk to him soon. My mom had me at 32 weeks. So I know miracles can happen at that time. I wanna know what the hell i'm supposed to do if things go wrong before that. I've always been that person that needs to be in control. I need to have some sort of plan. I hate being blind sided. And the fact that they still think something can go wrong. Tells me that i'm gonna get the biggest blind side of my life. Oh and the doctor said he doesn't want me to go up to 40 weeks. So if my water doesn't break before 39 weeks. I will be getting induced.

Other than all that jazz, things have been going goodish. As good as they can get. I'm growing, and it's getting harder to get up from bed in the middle of the night. And it's getting more uncomfortable to sleep. But I manage, I don't know how. But I do. I feel him kick so much more now. And he is sitting so low that he like to take control over my bladder. I've found a solution even if I don't have to pee. Do it, every chance I get. Because if I don't.. Well you know what happens next. I'm still all belly. And boobs. I haven't really grown anywhere else. Thank god. Ive been growing anywhere from half an inch to an inch around my waist every week. I can only imagine at 39 weeks how i'll be. I still think he is gonna be a big baby like his daddy was.

My mom did a benifit plate sale to buy me a plane ticket home. So I can go home for a baby shower. And I will be home April 21st the 10th of May. I am very excited to be able to get good food now. And some big red. And just be home. It's been about or a little over 6 months since i've seen my family. And when your the attached mexican family like mine is. That feels like a century. My nephew has already turned one, And he is already walking. I'm missing so many new things. It saddens me. I'm very glad that Steven is looking for job in San Antonio. Because I really don't know how i'll keep my sanity if I can't call my family if I get in baby trouble. I'm sure i'm going to have some headaches while i'm home. Some family drama. But i'm looking to avoid as much as I can.

So next friday is sub ball. Military ball. It's an excuse for me to get pretty and spend a night with my husband. Let me tell you, when you are growing at rapid speeds. Dress shopping is your worst nightmare. But luckily I found a decent one that had room for my growing belly. And I was going to dare to wear high heels. But then I thought about it. And if they hurt my feet within an hour before I was pregnant. I can only imagine now. But I did find some cute ones for my easter dress. And I don't care if it hurts. I'm wearing them. They are just too cute not too. That will probably be the only time i'll wear them, at least while i'm pregnant.

So I think that is about it on the updates. April 30th will be my first baby shower back home. And June 4th will be my second one here on the island. I'll be like 26 weeks for the first one. And 31 weeks for the second. I hear the sooner the better. And I really had to work it out between the holidays that i'll be home. No one is gonna wanna go on Easter and i'm sure ladies who are already moms sure as hell aren't gonna wanna share their mother's day with me. So yup. That was my only choice. But i'm satisfied with it. I was getting anxious to have one anyone.

16 weeks and 2 days-ish until Frederick is here..
14 weeks and 2 days until i'm full term..
8 weeks and 3 days until my baby shower on the island..
4 weeks and 3 days until I hit the 3rd trimester..
2 weeks til I leave to Texas..
3 weeks and 3 days until my baby shower back home..
with all these things going on. I am more than sure that the rest of this pregnancy is going to fly by..

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

getting lost in my thoughts..18 weeks 4 days

So yesterday we got the results from my quad screening back. Everything came back low. Except for one. Frederick has a 2.7% chance of being born with nueral tube defect. I know 2.7 seems low. But when you get another result like .01 it just feels high. And it doesn't help that she said I'm now high risk and they are going to have to monitor me every 2 weeks. She just freaked me out. And I spent my afternoon yesterday crying and worried.
Today was when I was getting the call to schedule my appointment for them to get a better look and see if they are going to have to stick a needle in my belly for further test. It's now 0815. I've been laying here since 0630. Pretty much when my husband left. My body decided to completely disregard the fact that I haven't slept no more than 3 hrs. So I'm laying here after I get the call. Mentally preparing myself for my appointment tomorrow. And I feel confused. And sad. I know the blood test isn't a definite yes or no. But it tells you your chances. Just having the chance scares me. Knowing I'm at a higher risk of miscarriage now. I feel numb. The last time I honestly felt this way was every minute after my brother called me to tell me they pulled the plug on my dad. And he was dead. And just as I begin to get lost in that world again. I feel him move. My little baby. Swimming around in there. Without a care in the world. Has no clue what life might hold for him. But for right now he is comfy in his water bed and feeling good. He doesn't understand the possibilities that could lie ahead for us. But that little movement. That all to weird feeling. Makes me think. I'm still blessed. Even with the chances of something going completely wrong. I still have him. Which is a little further then most ppl have gotten. Whatever lies ahead for us. I'm gonna be appreciative. And no matter what he will be my blessing from grandpa.
But I'm praying tomorrow brings better news!
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Yesterday made me home sick..

Yesterday March 2nd, 2011. Was my nephews first birthday. And I am not home to witness this day. And that made it a sad sad day for me. 2 people who rushed to the hospital when we heard he was on his way. With little to no sleep might I add. Weren't there to see him turn 1. Everyone reassures me 'its okay, you'll be here for his second' but will I really? We all were certain my dad would be here to see this day. And he isn't. A lot can happen in a year. I mean I pray nothing happens, I will be a new mother by the fall. The last thing I want is to be absent from my child's life. But after all this sadness. I got to thinking.

My nephew loved my dad. And my dad loved him more than life itself. Now I'm scared. I'm scared to go home with a brand new baby. And him grow up around all these amazing people, some not so much. And just like that. They are taken away from him. If our son is anything like me. He will get attached easily. And love with his whole heart all the way from the start. So knowing this, he is gonna hurt a lot. Sometimes I feel bad for starting a family so late. My father is gone, he couldn't hold on any longer to meet his other grandchildren. And my mother isn't too far behind if she continues to neglect her health. All the other adults are just old. Steven doesn't talk to his mother. So our kids won't be very attached to her. And his father lives in another country. It makes me sad to realize that my son won't be able to experience that grandma and grandpa love that we did as children. Although I saw my grandmothers more than grandfathers. They were still in the picture.

My dad was a great grandfather. He always wanted to hold and play with my nephew. I just want that for my son. But it breaks my heart knowing I won't have it. So as you can tell. Yesterday was a long day of thinking. And today is a day of sadness when I actually write my thoughts down.

Other than that. All is right in the world. I'll be 18 weeks pregnant tomorrow. And I love my new body. I may complain about it. But secretly I love it. I can't help but stare anywhere I can see my reflection. I love being pregnant!
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Thursday, March 3, 2011

Yesterday made me home sick..

Yesterday March 2nd, 2011. Was my nephews first birthday. And I am not home to witness this day. And that made it a sad sad day for me. 2 people who rushed to the hospital when we heard he was on his way. With little to no sleep might I add. Weren't there to see him turn 1. Everyone reassures me 'its okay, you'll be here for his second' but will I really? We all were certain my dad would be here to see this day. And he isn't. A lot can happen in a year. I mean I pray nothing happens, I will be a new mother by the fall. The last thing I want is to be absent from my child's life. But after all this sadness. I got to thinking.

My nephew loved my dad. And my dad loved him more than life itself. Now I'm scared. I'm scared to go home with a brand new baby. And him grow up around all these amazing people, some not so much. And just like that. They are taken away from him. If our son is anything like me. He will get attached easily. And love with his whole heart all the way from the start. So knowing this, he is gonna hurt a lot. Sometimes I feel bad for starting a family so late. My father is gone, he couldn't hold on any longer to meet his other grandchildren. And my mother isn't too far behind if she continues to neglect her health. All the other adults are just old. Steven doesn't talk to his mother. So our kids won't be very attached to her. And his father lives in another country. It makes me sad to realize that my son won't be able to experience that grandma and grandpa love that we did as children. Although I saw my grandmothers more than grandfathers. They were still in the picture.

My dad was a great grandfather. He always wanted to hold and play with my nephew. I just want that for my son. But it breaks my heart knowing I won't have it. So as you can tell. Yesterday was a long day of thinking. And today is a day of sadness when I actually write my thoughts down.

Other than that. All is right in the world. I'll be 18 weeks pregnant tomorrow. And I love my new body. I may complain about it. But secretly I love it. I can't help but stare anywhere I can see my reflection. I love being pregnant!
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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

16 weeks 3 days..

Oh my jesus does my back ache. And my feet. I've been slacking on exercising. But just about every day this week I've gone to the mall or something with a few of the wives. And let me tell you. All that walking is kicking my butt. I came home after 5 hours of shopping. And I couldn't wait to just lay down and put my feet up. I bought some nikes and I figured since we were going shopping. Today would be a great day to break them in. Oh boy was I wrong. Every store after the first hour. I just wanted to sit down. And I did until we left and made our way to a new one. And the mall we went to is ridiculous. Its huge. And not indoors. And 3 stories or so. And it's always packed. Ya I don't think I'd go again if it wasn't bc I needed a dress.
SO I've come to the conclusion that in order to really appreciate the blessing of a child. You have to face all the bad parts of pregnancy head on. Or maybe appreciate your none pregnant body even more. Given that all my first trimester annoyances are gone. Comes new ones. And I think I still have 11 weeks or so left in this trimester. I hear third trimester is the best. Best being you can't sleep bc your too big to get comfortable. Well your too big to do anything. Your feet and hands are almost always swollen. Actually they are supposed to swell now. But mine don't. I don't even know why they swell. I just heard it through the grapevine that they do. I've heard your bladder becomes almost uncontrollable the last trimester. Oh joy. All these of stories of woman peeing themselves is hilarious. But how is it going to be when the tables have turned. And well it's your turn to not make it to the rest room. Uh oh.

These are my 2nd trimester annoyances..
  • My cravings are outrageous. I want everything I see. And it can be brought on my a little commercial. It's times like these I hate not being home. Those olive garden commercials are almost driving me insane.
  • My 2nd trimester vagina hates my husbands penis. Enough said. Sex can be painful. My 1st trimester vagina loved him. Praised him. My how the tables have turned. I can't wait to see what 3rd trimester has in store for us.
  • My poor poor back. If I'm sitting too long it hurts. If I'm standing too long it hurts. I've learned that their really is no winning in pregnancy. 
  • My poor poor feet. Enough said. Oh how they ache. I wish they had cute comfortable shoes. Something that will make me feel like I'm walking on air. But no. Someone once told me. The cuter they are, the more they hurt. My oh my were they right.
Other than these few minor things. Pregnancy is great. I'm growing and it seems to be fast. Every week I look bigger. And I don't mind bc I know that my little man is growing big. Let's just hope he doesn't grow as big as Steven was as a baby. Pushing out a 10 lbs baby isn't my idea of fun. But I can literally say that his mom can do anything after pushing him out of her. But I'll be happy with 7 to 8 lbs. Please and Thank you!
Shopping for a boy isn't as much fun as a girl. But let me tell you I've already bought him 8 or so onesies and outfits. I can only imagine what I'm going to accumulate over time. I bought him a team grandpa outfit. I know my dad would've wanted him to be athletic. He was always a sporty man. He coached us until we just fell out of love with sports. And he cheered us on in everything we did. So I thought it would be appropriate to buy it for him. He is going to be named after him. So I want him to grow up having a little piece of him. So I want to encourage what my would have encouraged. I hope he grows up to be curious about him. Bc I can talk about my dad all day if you let me.

4 more weeks until I get the confirmation ultrasound from my hospital. Well technically 3 weeks. Steven keeps saying it's going to come up a girl. Which I'm not having. Don't get me wrong. I'd love a girl. But I've already gotten excited about the fact that he is going to be a he. But I guess in 3 weeks we will know for sure.

Here is to a happy and healthy 24 more weeks.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

15wks 1day.. It's a....

BOY!
He will be Frederick Nathaniel.
The shot from underneath..

I think he was so tired of us poking and messing with him to open his legs. He looks like he is rolling around. And bam. There it is.

Well that is all for now. I'm in love with him already!